Disclaimer: Yes I know it seems like I'm going to be making a pattern of having a disclaimer at the beginning of my posts. Which....I am. I'm not apologizing for what you're about to read, but I am making a statement that I am sorry that my title is true. While many are going to see this as cynical, it's the undoubted truth that due to the fact that Utopia will never exist due to our own volatile human natures. People will always feel the need to dominate and ridicule other human beings. These human beings that are the victims are the ones I am specifically going to address later in the post with some advice.
As I mentioned above, bullying won't be resolved anytime soon.
When I was a kid (yes I know another blog piece based upon someone's own personal experience...sorry about that), I was a Marine brat. I moved around a lot and so went to a lot of different schools during my childhood years, which meant that I got to experience a lot of different cultural differences within the United States all along the East Coast. Every single time, there were always those few people that make an impression within one's psyche by their almost obsessive need to bring other people down. Elementary school in South Carolina was a girl named Lauren. Whether it was due to jealousy or her problems at home or whatever developmental theory in some psychology book deems as the reason children begin to bully, she would spread rumors behind my back or make fun of me openly in front of other children about my looks. Elementary school in Pennsylvania was a girl named Colleen. Her form of bullying took on a whole different technique. She'd simply try to out-do me in every single thing we were involved in. She'd sneer at me and probably said a few things about me, but that's based on speculation so I won't blame her for something she may or may not have done. However, I was treated like dirt because my family and I lived in apartment complexes, and most of the families in my school were on the more wealthy side of town. Even my own mother related how she experienced being treated degradingly because of the fact we were lower class.
Last, but definitely not least, was a girl named Rita in Virginia. I can honestly attest that girls can be the worst at torturing their own sex. And her bullying continued up until 9th grade when I was redistricted from one high school to another....finally able to have a somewhat normal school experience. But 9th grade seemed to be a tough one for me because not only did I have to deal with Rita and her ilk, I dealt with multiple people that found me an acceptable target. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure I was annoying as hell when I was a kid and did some things that I deserved to get yelled at about, but these specific people I had no right to be terrorized like I was. One was my best friend who made fun of me about my having no boobs. I was flat chested during my younger years....so what?! I'd actually love to be that size again...maybe my back wouldn't be killing me like it is now. This girl, however, felt the need to drag me out of my changing stall and try to flash me to the entire girl's room how I was boobless. Why? And of course when I tried to tell my P.E. teacher she didn't do anything at all and yelled at me. The same thing occurred when 2 girls chased me around school and tried to beat me up for something I never said at all about their guy friend who was mad at me for not liking him. When I tried to report it, what do you think happened? The school tried to punish me.
And this is the exact reason America will never....ever....solve the problem of bullying.
Because the administration won't even accept when someone is telling them this is happening right under their noses and the victim ends up getting punished.
Because people and schools and businesses are about....wait for it.... their REPUTATION. They are more concerned with appearing like they're perfect than coming down like an anvil and putting the fear of God (or even just establishing the basic concept of right and wrong), into these adolescences that feel they have a right to bring another person's life down around their ears.
So many people would rather give these bullies excuses. That they are a "product of their environment" or that they don't have a "proper channel" for their anger....and this may be true. There may be children who are angry their parents are divorcing or that they got a D on a test or something of that nature, but that doesn't make it acceptable for them to act immature and vent it in a terrible way on another human being who may be going through those same problems while also dealing with bullying.
Why do we see teen suicide varying from year to year?
Why do we see divorce rates climbing to the point where 2 out of 3 marriages end?
Why do we see more school shootings?
Some of it is always going to happen due to another reason, but bullying is still invariably a huge factor.
We need to fix how people in charge react to these situations. We need to start brainstorming ideas how we can not only help the victims first, but get bullies to understand that their actions will not be tolerated at all....instead of give them excuses why it's okay. These excuses in childhood and adolescent years bleed into their adult choices, and we will see more problems within society today if we don't start accepting we're doing something wrong and find a solution NOW.
*Edited: Discussing this article with a friend of mine, she made a valid point that those who bully need positive reinforcement just as much as those that are victimized. I give her due credit. In addition to my comments before, I do believe that children that bully need just as much attention and guidance as those that suffer from it. The idea here is to help all of those involved. So another solution to this problem as well is to assist those children through teenagers that expel their anger through negative ways to complete a technique my mother taught me when I was younger. Stop, breathe, and think. Stop when you feel like just being mean, take a deep breath in and out, and then think about what you're about to do. Think how much you're going to hurt someone, and imagine if that was you. Although it may never be you and you luckily never get bullied, walk a mile in someone's moccasins and know that punishing someone else for whatever you don't like or you're upset about will never make you happy. It won't make you feel better. Turn a negative into a positive and inspire someone. Make yourself feel better about you.
Now on to the advice for the victims that I mentioned in the disclaimer.
I am truly sorry for those people who have been subjected to bullying. I am even more sorry to those who have felt no other way out but death when they felt like they had no other avenue to take from their bullying. But for those who are still here, remember that you can become stronger from this. Look at the positives of yourself when you turn the other cheek and smile in the face of your bullies. Of course you're not perfect and are making mistakes in life somewhere, but if you don't retaliate by bullying others...then you're making a good choice. You're maturing into the next stage of your life and hopefully will reach the better years when you can breathe free, because I know that feeling when every single day you're afraid to go to school or wherever bullying is happening. It's like a big knot in your chest and you feel absolutely miserable walking out your door. But every time you step over that threshold, take as deep a breath you can and look around at the beauty of the little things. Listen to music that makes you happy. Strive as hard as you can and push to be better, because it'll soon make those bullies disappear. I hope this helps, and if you ever need someone to talk to...feel free to email me and I'll answer as best as I can.
Love and connection is what makes this world a better place. So let's start here.
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