Cause and Effect: Parenting

Disclaimer: I'm not claiming to be a great parent. As every parent would testify, we weren't given a Handy Dandy Parenthood Manual the day our children were born. We all just try to stay afloat and manage....some just tend to flourish better at it than others. I am writing this post to emphasize my last post and what connects to the problem.

I was on the phone at two in the morning with a friend of mine talking about some personal issues when the subject of my blog came up. He and I discussed my last post on bullying and he pointed out a few good things, which led me to mentioning that I was only attempting to state the problem and provide a springboard for people to ping ideas off one another on how to reduce bullying within children. Here was one point he had to make.

Children lead by example. Most of all, they emulate the examples they see, positive or negative, through their own choices....but also these choices can only truly be influenced by parental involvement. From the lack of strong marriages and relationship values within the country as of late, many children have lost that family dynamic that provided the strong anchor for morals and values. Granted....not saying that every family had that down pat and always fixed every problem, but this mass epidemic of bullying has become a nationwide (I'm focusing on America...but this pertains too on a global scale I'm sure), issue within the past 2 decades.

Moving on from that slight tangent, parenting could be a part of the whole in helping to reduce bullying. I wrote in the bullying blog about how administrations oftentimes pretend there is no problem in order to basically keep their "stats" low so as to maintain their reputation. From what I've seen, many times the parents are the exact same way. The "it's not my kid" mentality is running rampant, and mostly it's in middle class neighborhoods that represent a majority of the population. Their children get into altercations and when it's brought to their attention, they tend to turn around and shy away from taking accountability for it. Why is this? More often than not, it is because they feel this reflects negatively back on them as a parent and, therefore, on themselves. As if by their child getting into trouble, they are now degraded as a person.

Let me bust this psychological misconception wide open. It absolutely 100% does not make you a bad parent or person to admit fault within your child's actions. It's a natural cycle of life for kids to make mistakes. They're going to get into fights, they're going to test the boundaries....explore the waters to find out what makes life....well life. The only mistake you could ever make is turn away when there is an obvious problem and ignore it for selfish reasons. That does no service to your child whatsoever, and honestly nothing for yourself either. By accepting this inevitable conclusion, not only can you understand your child more, but connect with them on a more personal basis in order to really find out what's going on.

Now you're asking yourself "Well she's written a mini-book, where's the point?" The point is this: By acknowledging there is truth in the above written statements, you'll begin to find out that you have more influence on your child then you knew. Chelsea Handler had it wrong in one of her stand up comedy sets when she said "[when you have a child], it's a 5 year commitment." From day 1 until the day you die, you'll always be giving advice and support for your child. By making a conscious effort and enforcing certain societal boundaries, you can significantly cut down on bullying. Every parent has to make a full effort, no half-assing it (excuse my language).

And therein lies a greater problem: Does every parent really even care about what their child does or is going through?
Unfortunately the answer is most likely no.
So who then can be the figurative bumpers for the uncared for?

And this is what I'll end with. I quote the old proverb that "it takes a village to raise a child." America has lost the ability to connect with each other as a real community to help each other succeed, unlike other cultures such as in Japan or China that holds the family niche as the ultimate. When did America become so complacent? In order to regain what we once were, Americans as a people need to come together and give hands up to one another...instead of handouts. Excuses are another form of handouts, and we need to quit making excuses and start working together to help our future generations to know right from wrong.